Local has-been jumps sinking ship shocker !!!
August 15, 2007
Local has-been jumps sinking ship shocker !!!
Celebrity News .
Local has-been jumps sinking ship.
Biff McGurgle, local icon, "entertainer" and rat impersonator caused a furore when he announced his intentions to "jump ship" in the middle of a long tour aboard the luxury cruise ship,the USS Amerikay. McGurgle complained, via his lawyer Wilheim Von Gallaway, that the ship was sinking and that he intended to use his skill as a rat impersonator to " get the hell off the ship before the women and children made things difficult."
Mc Gurgle is not the first "entertainer" to take the easy way out. Over the years such "entertainment" luminaries such as
Mel "Black Sheep" White, Martin "The Organ" Parkinson, Eugene "Stompman" Dillon, Aidan Brennan-on-the-Moor ,and Conor Byrnepub all jumped ship and swam to "safety" over the years. No-one has heard of any of them since and it is feared, or hoped by some, that they all failed to " make it" and are adrift aimlessly on the sea of life, far away from the warmth and safety of the mother of all cruise ships.
A myth has grown around these ship-jumpers.....local folkmusic afficionados have it that they are all well and live on a mythical green island somewhere over the horizon. An island where the road will always rise to meet you and the wind will always be at your back.
This myth has been well and truly busted by the Dept. of Outlandish Security . Spokesman Gordon"Buzz" Burridge said that
"People need to be more careful with what they not only say...but with what they think as well. It's not the first time that a miniscule part of the population invent a faraway land that's somehow better than the mothership. Why there's even a tiny number of insignificant migrants who believe there is a land "downunder" where beer flows and men chunder...they even have animals that bounce for Gawd's sake" If such a green island exists then it means your on your face on the road, and you have a draft on your back..not a good scenario mite"
Rumours have surfaced about The Gilmore New's attempts to re-locate to an undisclosed location. These rumours are, as yet, unprovable and are scurrilous in the extreme. Some one has made allegations and the sooner the alligators are apprehended , the better.